Lights will guide you home

Ignore the hatred, sadness, anger, regrets and everything negative, just focus on the positives. C'mon, it's the last day of 2011 after all, right?

On this day, people would normally make their new years' resolution and wishes, but knowing that I won't follow or stick to it, I'm not gonna do it for 2012. Instead, I'll probably wanna just look back and be thankful for the people around me.

Firstly, God. This year has seen me going to church and praying lesser and lesser, and up to today I've almost stopped all of those. I though I lost faith, but I guess not? I feel like part of me still believes in the existence of God somehow. Maybe it's just how I can't stand everything that has happened in/to church that has made me stopped going. At the end of the day, I guess I never completely lost faith in God, it's just how I'd want my relationship with him to be. I still talk to him and pray to him occasionally.

I'm absolutely thankful for my family- Mummy, Daddy and Jann, of course. Mummy has shown me how strong a women can be, how we should stand up for ourselves and never give up. I really really admire how strong she can be considering all the pain and tough moment she's been through. Also I've really seen Jann grow up...mentally and physically.. and it's pretty cool I guess. In 2011, the one thing I really gotta be grateful for is how Mummy, Jann and I got so much closer. We talk about so many things, we share about our day, we discuss about certain issues, and it really makes me happy. No doubt Daddy's absence most of this year, I like how I'm able to tell him and talk to him so much more through writing. I dont know why but I just feel like it'll be pretty awkward when he's back, but things are gonna be better :)

I'm also thankful for the fact that Sarah Jie, Hannah, Yiyi, Mummy, Jann and I agreed to meet Gramps for dinz/lunch once a week and we managed to do as we say, or at least 98% of it. This once a week get together has definitely pulled us closer together and made Gramps really happy. I pray for the best of heath for everyone, especially Gramps.

Of course, paternal Gramps. I've always felt really sad whenever I think of what Mama has gone through and what she is still going through. She never wanted any of these to happen, but life has never been very smooth sailing for her. From marriage to family, things that most people treasure most, is something she that was never perfect for her. And then she fell ill, that made me really really really upset and worried. I visited so often, always hoping for the best. Well, thank God, now she's so much better though she has lost so much weight. It still kills me that whenever I visit her alone (or maybe with K/sis) she cries/tears when I hug her and when I'm about to leave. I really really love her :) Papa too of course, he dotes on Jann and I most among all his other non-blood-related grandchildren. He may have made Mummy and my aunts and Mama angry so so many times for many reasons, but he is always looking out for us <3

Definitely thankful for my girlfriends- Janice and Ninnart. I love how J and I are literally texts and tweets apart, like I can just tell her a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g at a.n.y.t.i.m.e and she's really one who'd always be there for me and she'll always listen to whatever crap I have to say. I love how Ninnart is mileeeeeeeeeeeeeees away from us, yet we've never lost contact, and there's no awkwardness or whatever when we meet when she comes back to Singapore for visit. I guess the two of them are the ones who really show me what true friends really are, and I'll definitely wanna keep them for life :)

Next most important, my boyfriend of freaking three years- Ken. Weird how we've been together for 3 years plus and I've never called him Ken till this year. I think it's really amazing how we actually meet everyday and not get sick of each other and yet we lasted for 3 years (and more to go). He's seen my best best best to my lowest and worst and most horrible, and he still loves me. He was here for me when I had family and friendship problems, and was always there as my listening ear and to give comfort hugs. I really appreciate how he is still with me even though I can't give him what a normal/most girlfriends can. Lots of love baby!

I'm thankful for my classmates, especially the bunch I hang out with and am closer to, without them school would be a living hell. Honestly, only they would really understand the stress and the crazy amount of workload we have. Love the crazy times we've been through, loved the secret santa most.

This bunch, I really gotta thank- Ken's clique. They barely knew me from the start, yet they were totally okay with me. I mean, without really knowing each other, I could still plan Ken's birthday, go for a 3D2N chalet with them, I think that's really cool. No doubt the issue in the clique, the Christmas party was still really awesome, so thank God. Among them, I'm closest to Lorraine, Jason and Rachel. These 3 has really been very sweet and nice to me. They've offered listening ears, we bitched and gossip together, they were there when I had other minor problems too. It's nice how it's so easy to get along with these 3, especially :)

Not forgetting my likeahurrricane teacup- Nicole. We got close after facilitating a couple of camps and we talked/whatsapped almost everyday, till a certain point we kind got busy. I kinda missed those days we'd tell each other little secrets. HAHA. Anyway I really hope she's coping fine and is all well! <3

Last but not least, the churchies. It feels abit weird to be around them after not going to church for afew months, but they still keep including Ken and I. I think that's really nice and sweet of them. My secondary school days were only the best because of them, seriously. Special mention to Ivan and Kevin, not that they'll read this, but they're really good listening ears, plus they offer amazing advices, and they're super encouraging and nice. Loveeeee this bunch!

Okay there's so many more I got to thank, like eJKMN+D, but I guess these are the few I really have to mention. May 2012 be nice to all of you, God bless!