Hopes and expectations

I never expected this issue to actually make me this upset that it actually brought me to tears. I was never able to give you what a girlfriend would normally be able to give their boyfriend. Time alone- something you really always wanted, I couldn't even give it to you, not even on our special days. It really, really hurts me whenever you tell me that you feel more like a brother than a boyfriend. I try, and I keep trying. but whenever we have a heart to heart about this, you'll still tell me that you feel more like a brother and that you don't feel that you're important to me. I thought the least I could try to do to make you feel important, is to let you be the first to know almost anything and everything. And I would say that for the years we've been together, I've managed to make sure you're the first to know about things- the very second I learn about it, you would have already known by the next second. Whether you already know or not, I would tell you anyway.

What really upsets me tonight, is how (again) you forget and not tell me things. I dare say it's not the first time. I feel sad whenever I have to know about it like days later, or even from someone else. If this is a very high expectation from me to you, I'm sorry. But I just hope you know, too, that as much as you feel sad about how we don't get time alone, I feel twice as sad. I feel sad that we can't have time alone, and I feel sad that you're disappointed and down about it.

Just so you know, I still glance and look at you when you least expect it. Maybe you just never noticed and catch me doing it. You don't see me doing it, doesn't mean I've stopped doing it. I don't show my feelings or emotions as much as before, doesn't mean I've stopped feeling that way.

Yeah if bombing all those texts and words at me would somehow make you feel better, then I'll just keep reading them.