Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Those who matter

Sometimes (I think) I tend to be a little over supportive/protective/caring about the people closer to me. And then I end up thinking that they find me a nuisance or even, burdensome.

What has gotten into me? I miss the person I was 6/7 years ago.

I've been feeling a lot of downs recently. Sometimes I end up being convinced that I might need a psychiatrist to help get rid of all these negatives in me.

I hate talking about how I feel, though. I don't quite see why anyone should make an effort to make me feel better, I don't see myself with such importance. Sometimes I question my existence here. Sometimes I wonder if people even remember about my existence.

With all those thoughts and voices in my head, I always always always end up hating myself a lot more.

6/7 years ago, I would never hate myself.

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I hate the clingy partner I am. But I like the attention I get solely from that one person, especially when I feel invisible to everyone else. I wish I was a better person altogether; a better girlfriend, a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better human. But he never fails to remind me about how important and special I am to him. Although I would still feel lousy and stupid for existing, I appreciate it.

I just feel like whatever/whoever I am, is never enough.

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