A Rant Post

I didn't know how long more I could handle this, but tonight it hit me and it hit me hard.

You complain about how much I hide to myself and not tell you or anyone at all, but if I were to tell you, what can you do? what will you do? The difference is, someone I don't see and someone you see too much. We made our mistake, we could move on but neither of us can ever forget. I try to keep my distance with s, but there's only so much you can do about b. And there's also only so much I could handle about how close you are to b.

I know the entire incident hurt you a fuckload, but has it ever occurred to you how much your situation hurt me? If I never admitted about mine to you, would you ever have told me? Ever since that night, it was always about how I have brought so much pain to you, it was never about me. Has it ever occurred to you that I have never seen s since 4 years ago but you are seeing b every single day for 3 years, whether or not you want to? Have you ever wondered how I feel about that?

Each time I feel the pinch, I slap myself inside. I guess tonight just tore me apart. I can't do it anymore.

But fuck this, so what? I still have to suck this up for at least half a year more. So fuck whatever I'm feeling anyway.